youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Randomize
