So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
