proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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