I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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