oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
vagina is talking i cant
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
