I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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