please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
