we're chasing vodka with high fives
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Randomize
