What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
