That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
