I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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