She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
