I wish I only lived at night.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
