I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
