then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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