Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
