Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
