my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
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