I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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