What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
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