yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
People in love make me want to vomit
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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