I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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