Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I pour the whiskey from now on
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