I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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