Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
