Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
