wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
