Three words: puerto rican gang bang
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
FUCK WHALES
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
