Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
