this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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