Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
