I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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