So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
