I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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