Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
either way he was missing a nipple.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Randomize
