well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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