why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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