It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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