I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
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