Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Someone came in the potted fern
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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