Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
