He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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