What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
