you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
