you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
