Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
