I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
everyone is single if you try hard enough
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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