And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Randomize
