i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
