I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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