Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
